fadedessence (fadedessence) wrote in istupidneedhelp,
fadedessence
fadedessence
istupidneedhelp

thesis statement help

Hey there. I was just wondering if someone could correct any grammar mistakes in this, for I'm sure they exist:

John Steinbeck’s novella, Of Mice and Men, clearly shows an utter disregard for females and blatantly accentuates their characters flaws and strips them of all integrity and honor; for example, stereotyping them as common whores, stating, directly or indirectly, that they are always the source of trouble, saying that women are the property of and therefore need men, implying that all women should be suspected of taking part in infidelity, and having an overall bias toward the male gender, thus depicting all women to be disloyal, deceitful, and generally dreadful beings.

Here is what I'm doing, if you're interested. Please do advise me of any changes that I, in your opinion, should make in order to have a better thesis statement. I am utterly at a loss for any intelligent thoughts, and this baby is due tomorrow, ha! It would help if you've read Of Mice and Men, but any advice is appreciated!

I have an assigment to use the feminist criticism to analyze John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men. I have already compiled a beefy list of broad subjects to speak on, but I need help applying thoughts of feminism to it.

Here are the better subjects on which I will probably mention:

Feminine (whore-like) stereotyping
Women cause trouble
Women are property of men
Women have whore-like tendencies
“Curley’s wife” – never given a name
No main girl parts
Women have ulterior motives to seduce men
Women are inferior
Manly stereotype?
Women need men
Women are all the same – bad
Men possessive of women
Women not to be trusted
Infidelity associated with women
Okay to objectify women
Men can be unfaithful, but they expect “their women” to be 100% faithful to them

What I need to do now is research theories and beliefs of feminism in order to argue these statements. I know very little on the subject, so I was wondering if you could offer advice on where some good sources are, or just with your own information. For example, take the idea of the sterotype of a woman in the book. I would be looking for perhaps a feminist who spoke on the matter, or just the broad, general attitude that there is on this among feminists.

I'm terribly sorry if that made no sense, but I might as well try. Thank you in advance!
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John Steinbeck’s novella *Of Mice and Men clearly shows an utter disregard for females by and blatantly accentuating their character flaws and stripping them of all integrity and honor. For example, it stereotypes them as being common whores, implies, directly or indirectly, that they are always the source of trouble, says that women are the property of and therefore need men, implies that all women should be suspected of taking part in infidelity, and has an overall bias toward the male gender, thus depicting all women to be disloyal, deceitful, and generally dreadful beings.

*underline or quote(I'm not sure which for a novella), the commas might be unnecessary.

It's a mess. Aside from the formatting nightmare of the multiple lists there's just a lot to deal with in that sentence. If this is your thesis then you should try to break it down as much as possible at most having three main categories. I suggest taking the whore stereotyping, source of trouble statement, suspsicions of infedility, and the depiction of women being "generally dreadful things" and putting them into one category of negatively stereotyping or viewing women and then exploring the specific matters of it in the body of the paper rather than the thesis sentence. Reword the "property of men" statement into something along the lines of portraying women as the subordinate gender. Contrary to the other two categories being two broad, you need to get a little more specific when saying it has an overall bias towards men. Not much more specific, does it show men as being more righteous or smarter or what?

I haven't seen the movie of this in a long, long time and I haven't read the story so I can't help much more than on the formatting of your paper. I definitely suggest rewriting your thesis. Don't get overwhelmed though. It helps tremendously to write down some brainstorming thoughts and organize your ideas so you can visually see how you're going to go from broad to narrow subjects.

Hope this helped.
Someone asks for help with English for once and you beat me to it.. hate Michael Tucker..can you feel the HATE... hah j/k. Hmm....

John Steinbeck's novella Of Mice and Men clearly shows an utter disregard for females by accentuating their stereotypical character flaws. For example, it portrays them as being common whores, the source of all troubles, and deceitful individuals. The story is biased towards the male gender with these implications that women should be the property of men who need to be carefully monitored lest they take part in infidelities.

That's my take on the idea-and yes, you italicize novellas-but it is kind of messy still, I think. I'd look at it more except I've never read the story. I really don't like my last sentence per se, maybe a different word than infidelities (again I'm not sure entirely where you are heading with this) such as misdeeds or sins or what not. In fact, does anyone else feel uncomfortable with my use of the word who in that sentence? It seems a little off, but it sounds right. Then again, methinks it might just be the passive-ness of that sentence that really bothers me.

Anyhow I hope that helps
oh yeah, you might want to try to sound less emotional in the paper. Usually that's a no-no.
Example:
"John Steinbeck’s novella, Of Mice and Men, clearly shows an utter disregard for females and blatantly accentuates their characters flaws and strips them of all integrity and honor"
-"clearly", "utter disregard", and "blatantly" in the manner that they're portrayed seems like you're using them not because they're fitting but because they're powerful words that back up an argument that you're making. Even general encompassing words such as "all" are probably a bad idea because things are hardly ever expressed to their fullest extent in life so using it makes the reader almost automatically assume that you're exaggerating a little bit.
Something like this may work better:
"John Steinbeck’s novella Of Mice and Men seems to show disregard for the feminine sex and tends to accentuate their character flaws, thus stripping them of integrity and honor"
I put the "seems" there because without it the phrase may have sounded like it was making a hefty accusation and consequently put people on a slight disposition towards the rest of the essay. I used "feminine sex" just to mix things up a little. The purpose of "tends" is because "blatantly" suggests too much emotion. Plus, it lets the reader know that it happens often but doesn't make an audacious claim like saying it accentuates their flaws at every possible turn or something. Again, I took out "all" at the end because it's a dangerous thing to claim something of such entirety.

Some of the stuff I point out or suggest modifying is minor, but some of it is quite major I think. It's important that you find your own style of writing and presenting things, but there is a standard that is very important to reach if you're going to make a point.
That helps more than you know. Thank you for putting so much effort into your response. So far I've made it more like this:

John Steinbeck’s novella, Of Mice and Men, shows a certain disregard for females by accentuating their character flaws and stripping them of most integrity and honor; it stereotypes them as common whores, implies that they are more often than not the source of trouble, says that women are the property of and need men, and generally has an overall favor toward the male gender, thus seemingly depicting the female sex to be that of a vile and weak nature.

It's a work in progress, but it's improved somewhat. I do like the variation on women. Thank you again.